I have two teenage girls, the younger has a steady boyfriend and the older knows boys aren’t good for her at her age and maturity level.
My younger teen, who prefers to be called Robyn, has had a boyfriend since February or so. She was barely 13 years old when she started “dating”, she is my step daughter. I rarely mention that she is my step child, I love her as my own, however, she has two homes and their are different rules to each house. Having different rules, has lead to this issue of dating so young.
My main concerns of her dating so young, besides the obvious, this boy is 17 years old, and according to his myspace; he smokes weed, is sexually active, gang affiliated and drinks alcohol often.
My other huge concern is Robyn’s birth mother had her 1st baby at 14 or 15 years old herself, and gives Robyn complete freedom. It appears she encourages Robyn and this boy to date. I figured with her mother’s background this vast allowance of freedom wouldn’t occur.
Since, Robyn has been dating she chooses not to come over, her routine of custody is to be at our home weekly Wednesday through Saturday. We now only see her once every two months. That is something my household is currently working on…
Then you have, Renae, she is the one you would expect to start dating early. She is boy crazy to say the least, and seems to be attracted to the “Bad Boy.” She told me that she knows she isn’t mature enough for a relationship and wouldn’t disobey our wishes of not dating, because she knows that their isn’t much benefit from dating a boy. She is 14 years old in a few days, and she doesn’t have freedom the way Robyn does. If she had the freedom, would she lose her mind… I’m not so sure that she would. She knows what she wants and she hasn’t found it anyhow.
This is the way I see teen dating…
- If you sass off and disrespect peers, teachers, and parents then you aren’t mature enough to date
- If you have bad grades, there is no time to date
- If you are a dishonest often, I don’t trust you to date
- If I allow you to date, the one you date must possess and adhere to rules 1-3 as well
- The one they date must show no signs of drugs, alcohol or sexual activity
- I need to establish rapport with the parents of the one you date
- Supervision, Supervision, Supervision
- Ill modify rules as I see fit
Are your teens dating? If so, what expectations do you have, and at what age or maturity level is best?
If your teens aren’t dating, what are your reasons or expectations for you to allow them to date?
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